Autism and Mismatched Socks

 A couple of months ago, I was visiting a friend and his children. One of their children is a seven-year-old with Autism.  When I popped in, me and the dad talked about sports (Padres versus Cubs, go Padres!). While we were chatting, the child came out and began putting on his socks, which were two different colors. The mom giggled and chided him that his socks did not match. I laughed as well and lifted my pants leg to reveal that I too, had mismatched socks. The surprise on her face was both priceless and a reaffirmation of why I do what I do and love it.

I always wear mismatched socks. Why? Because as someone with Autism who works with Autistic individuals of varying ages, and has two Autistic kids, I know how we as people can get pigeonholed into a model based on movies like “Rain Man”. Well, as many people are discovering, it is not that cut-and-dry, and I think it is a tragedy and an overall failing that this perception is so ingrained into our collective society.

So, why mismatched socks? So often, as a Behavior Technician, I have watched as parents, peers, and even other professionals have suppressed rather than reinforced self-expression and individuality. My kids had ABA and most of them were amazing, dedicated people, but I also had to deal with ones who tried to mold my kids to be “less embarrassing,” one suggesting that they wanted them to conform to society’s norms.

Thus, when I visit clients, I always, without fail, wear clearly mismatching socks. I want my clients and even other kids I meet to understand that it’s ok to stand out. Besides, who looks at people’s socks anyways? So, in my viewpoint, it is a small, safe, first step towards a child or adult, getting themselves out there and embracing their right to be different, unique, and understanding that being accepted for who they are is an expectation, not a privilege. This is exactly how I view Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI); all are welcome, and save the judgment for “The Gong Show.”

PS: My socks right now are a solid black with emojis on it and an orange and blue, `nuff said.

Autism and OCD - misdiagnosed or overlapping or both?

 Greetings!

I would like to preface this post by clarifying that I am not an expert in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Also, I will add that while I am Autistic, have a 40-hour certification in Child Psychology, and training from two ABA companies and just under two years of experience, I am NOT an expert on Autism. My perspectives are my own and may not meet with the agreement of everyone (or perhaps anyone) who reads this. Finally, a disclaimer that my thoughts do not represent the company I work for.

Well, with that bit of air-clearing done, here is my post on Autism and OCD. To open with, I will reference the 1997 movie As Good as it Gets, starring Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Cuba Gooding Junior, Greg Kinnear, and Skeet Ulrich. Nicholson plays a successful and prolific writer who lives in a form of self-isolation and detests the contact of his neighbors. One major part of the movie is his OCD diagnosis which cau ses him to take the same path, eat at the same restaurant every time, act like a germaphobe, and even wash his hands and lock the door in the same fashion.

I bring this up because as someone with Autism and with two Autistic kids, I recognized some similarities between Autism and OCD. For me, I have an acute aversion to the numbers 2, 6, and 8. If I am counting something, tapping my toes or hands while stimming, or even add something that comes to a number ending in these three digits, I feel compelled by a near-panic to add something to it in order to make the # be any of the other ones.

Nicholson's character is socially awkward and in many ways, like my kids and myself, tries to insulate himself from unwanted contact because of the anxiety that is provoked by engaging in conversation. My oldest son, when at the zoo, had to walk the same path, to the point where I could know where he'd be after ten minutes, almost to the dot if I allowed him to go solo.

I stim a lot, tapping my chest with my hands, drumming my fingers, whistling, humming, etc, when I am in public or driving, a behavior often attributed to Autism. I do it more when I am in a crowd with adults, beng terrified to offend someone or embarrass myself. Let's return to Jack Nicholson's character. He is in love with Helen Hunt's character but is too uncomfortable making conversation to act on it and then, some would argue, intentionally flubs the moment.

Let's discuss some generally accepted stigmas about people with Autism, and I will comment on mine was well for the sake of transparency and my love of bullet points.

• Perseveration - Nicholson does this throughout the movie, some of it with his constant asking about crabs being available at the restaurant. Again, he has been diagnosed with OCD, but his incessant need to fulfill the answer to this question and his asking it even after Hunt asking him to stop is, IMO a good example.
• Me? Bring up the topic of dogs, tsunamis, jet aircraft, and any number of video games, and I can go on all day long if not stopped sometimes.
• Inappropriate humor - Many of his comments are cold, delivered without any concern that the people he said them to will be hurt  When he tells Simon, "You'll be on your knees in no time", this was a truly cruel remark. Also, his diatribe to Simon about his not wanting to be bothers was both racist and homophobic humor and completely inappropriate and while I do not condone violence, Jack kind of had it coming.
• Mine? Well, I llike to think I control my instincts, but I enjoy the odd dark humor joke from Jimmy Carr, the Deadpool movies, and the movie A Fish Called Wanda. I don't repeat them, but only because I've developed the awareness to not do so, plus I am terrified of offending people.
• Lack of empathy - Nicholson's character is completely, utterly out of touch with the feelings of Helen Hunt's character and those of numerous others. Whether he is telling what he things is a harmless joke, or is just being callous, he does not seem to care.
• Me? I can speak for it in my own context. My world is not that emotions are not felt, but rather that I feel them all. It is overwhelming, and sometimes, I have to force myself to cry or laugh, because neurologically, I suppose, I just cannot seem to find the tears, because the quantity and potency of emotions surpass my ability to let them out.

Yes, there are pills that help with Autism and OCD. No, they are not knocking 'em out of the park. For myself, Zoloft changed my life for the better. Yet, I am still the same Rusty, afraid of meeting people, eager to leave the room if I meet someone and find my own leeriness, the feeling of being an undersized shoe. to be painful, and after watching the movie well over one hundred times, I wonder, with my amateur brain, if there might be some overlooked details worth studying.

That's all for now. I hope this will generate some discussion, and who knows? Maybe it will lead us bac to the truth.